


oh love, was it easy to let go?

by justsparkles



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Closure, Introspection, Lee Jihoon | Woozi-centric, M/M, Moving On, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Break Up, Producer Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Surprise Joshua
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:36:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29555031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justsparkles/pseuds/justsparkles
Summary: At a crossroads, Joshua and Jihoon had to make crucial decisions that would determine the course of their lives.10 years later, they meet again.
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Kudos: 6





	oh love, was it easy to let go?

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is written as an entry to #svtbenandbenficfest. Kindly check their [twitter](https://twitter.com/svtfilofest) for other entries in the fest.
> 
> Work inspired by: [Branches](url) by Ben&Ben.

Jihoon is sure that going to his high school reunion is a bad idea.

One, he has not seen most of his high school batchmates since he graduated. Two, he has no desire to be actually near people. Three, he has to finish researching for his newest episode on his podcast. Four, he does not want to go.

There were many things he had to do as well: catch the deadline for a project he was working on, continue writing, rearrange some of the songs written by other producers, schedule vocal coaching sessions, the list went on and on. Jihoon truly is a busy man, especially working in a fast-paced environment such as the music industry. He has no time for absolutely anything else.

Jihoon can come up with a thousand reasons to not attend the event.

Yet here he is, dressed and ready to go, because Soonyoung wouldn’t leave him alone.

“Hey grouchy,” his best friend nudges him before they get out of the car. “Try to at least pretend to enjoy it, yeah? Our friends prepared and worked hard for this event.”

Jihoon rolls his eyes. “Of course. I’m not that rude, Nyong.”

“Just saying,” Soonyoung links his arm around Jihoon’s. “I know how much you hate parties like this.”

“Then why bring me to one?”

“Because it’s gonna be fun!” Soonyoung says with much enthusiasm. “You need a break from work, too. Your deadline’s still next month. A night out with familiar people will do you good.”

“If this night’s a bust, you owe me lunch for two weeks,” Jihoon tells his best friend. “I am wasting valuable time that I could have used to research stuff for my next episode.”

“You’re smart, you can do it tomorrow,” Soonyoung jokes as they walked up the steps of their high school building, nearing the gymnasium.

When they open the door to the gym, it feels like they never left high school.

The gymnasium is still as big as Jihoon remembers it. This time, it is decorated with some sort of a casino-vibe interior, recreating their theme during their Senior Prom. There were lots of lights, and the stage was designed almost like a slot machine. Round tables are scattered across the gym floor, occupied by the many batchmates they have. People immediately gravitate towards their original circle of friends, yet there are exceptions for those who are recognized as “successful” from their class.

Unfortunately, Jihoon and Soonyoung are classified as such.

Jihoon is now a successful and popular music producer and vocal coach for one of the biggest entertainment companies in the country. Soonyoung, on the other hand, is one of the most famous choreographers in the entire world, known for his intricate pieces. They are known throughout the music and entertainment industry, and everyone wants to work with them, and be friends with them.

Case in point: when Jihoon and Soonyoung entered the room, everyone flocks towards them.

Now, Jihoon recognizes most of these people, but he was never friends with them. He always kept his circle small. These were people he hardly talked to when he was in high school. Just because he’s now an acclaimed producer, everyone suddenly acts like they were friends back then. Jihoon hates the attention he draws because of his job. He only wants to make music, but he never wanted the fame that came with it. It still is hard for him to be bombarded with questions about artists he works with, and to be asked for favors relating to the celebrities he now calls his friends.

“Do you produce for EXO?”

“When will Mamamoo have their comeback?”

“Do you think you can ask SHINee for a signed album as a gift for my son?”

Suddenly, Jihoon is now overwhelmed with the attention he’s getting from his batchmates, that he has no idea how to politely decline their requests and just head for their table. He doesn’t know what to do. The only thing that is sure is that he regrets letting Soonyoung drag him out of the house.

_ I should have never left home in the first place. Damn it. _

“Okay everyone, let’s give them some room.”

A tall man started to make his way through the crowd. Jihoon recognizes him immediately. It was Soonyoung’s husband, Mingyu.

Mingyu pulls them towards the direction of their table. Jihoon finally lets out a sigh of relief, grateful for Mingyu’s intervention.

“Thank you hubby,” Soonyoung places a kiss on Mingyu’s cheek. “I was worried Jihoon would start throwing a fit and cuss.”

“Believe me, I was close to doing that,” Jihoon replies, as he gave Mingyu a hug. “I owe you one, Gyu.”

“Not at all,” Mingyu escorts them to their table. Already seated are Jihoon’s friends--Seungkwan, Seungcheol, and his cousin Chan.

“Is this real? Jihoon Lee is out of the house?” Seungcheol stands up to give him a warm embrace. “How did Soonyoung convince you to go out?”

“Incessant nagging was the secret, Cheol,” Soonyoung says as he also joins the hug.

“Where’s my hug?” Seungkwan stretches his arms out, with Jihoon going straight for the hug. Seungkwan is his cousin’s boyfriend, as is already family to him.

“Okay, so my fiancé gets a hug, and you pass your own cousin by like he’s thin air?” A wild cross-armed Chan appears, making Jihoon burst into fits of laughter.

“Jealous much?” he asks his cousin before wrapping his arms around him.

“The real question,” Seungkwan asks as they all get settled in their seats. “Is how Jihoon survives not showing his face to society.”

“It’s easy, Kwan,” Mingyu answers for him. “Just don’t give a fuck.”

“Not entirely true,” Jihoon starts to explain. “I do go out. I just don’t go anywhere else after work. I head straight to the studio.”

“Trust me,” Soonyoung says, taking a swig from the beer his husband got him. “I don’t even see Jihoon outside of work unless Gyu and I barge in the studio.”

“You gotta get some sun, no wonder you’re so pale,” Chan comments on his cousin’s complexion. “I still can’t fathom how Auntie just allows you to live like this.”

Jihoon just smiles in amusement. It’s been such a long time since his friend group was complete. Usually, he skipped out on gatherings because of how busy he was, so it’s nice for him to see them and be with them, even if it’s with a hundred other people. These were the people he knew the longest; they’ve been part of his life for as long as he can remember. 

The night continued without a hitch. Seungkwan and his friend, Seokmin, are hosting the event. Everyone’s having a good time, and honestly, Jihoon is too. He’s thankful to Soonyoung for pushing him to accept human interaction today, and step out of his studio. The night is full of fun and games, and of course, full of reminiscing the good ol' days.

To be honest, Jihoon has always had mixed feelings about high school. It was both a time filled with precious memories and lifelong friendships, and a reminder of one of the most painful experiences of his life. There are days he enjoys looking back at those weird four years, but there were moments he wished some of those memories never happened in the first place.

Jihoon remembers that Seungkwan had always wanted to give out awards for different made-up categories for their batch. Now, it was that time of the night. Apparently, Mingyu, Seungcheol, and Seokmin came up with the categories, but Chan and Seungkwan handled the voting process. Jihoon knows he voted for some of the awards, but he has no idea who the nominated people were. All that was required of them was to write down names.

It was no surprise that Jihoon was given the Most Talented award, as he was the one always dragged left and right by Soonyoung to perform at various events. Most Creative went out to their classmate, Minghao, who’s now a renowned artist with pieces in different museums all over the world. Seungkwan, Seokmin, and Soonyoung weren’t surprised when they all tied for the Class Clown award. Seungcheol won Best Class President. A lot of their other batchmates won different awards, as there were a lot of categories that the three came up with.

However, good things don’t always last.

All of a sudden, Jihoon freezes as he sees what was projected on the screen.

The award being given out is the “Most Memorable Couple” award.

Various high school couples are shown on the screen, including Soonyoung and Mingyu, and Seungkwan and Chan. Some of the couples on the screen were still together, while some were already broken up, already happy with their own families.

Unfortunately, there's one couple on the screen that catches everyone's attention.

“You never told me you dated back in high school, Joshua!”

_ Joshua. _

Jihoon does not recognize the voice of the one who spoke, but he can never forget the name the man uttered.

_ Joshua. _

Joshua Hong. His ex-boyfriend.

When he looks back, Jihoon finally sees the man in the flesh. He last saw Joshua ten years ago, when they went their separate ways. He’s currently with his high school best friend, Wonwoo, and an unfamiliar man.

The awkward silence fills the room, as no one knows how to break the painful ambiance. Seungkwan’s eyes roam around the gymnasium, trying to put the focus on something else. Thank God Seokmin was smart enough to divert the situation by just giving the award out.

“Of course, the most memorable couple of our class is the one with the organized flash mob, just to ask someone out to prom. Congratulations, Soonyoung and Mingyu!” Seokmin says, grabbing the trophy.

Jihoon can see Soonyoung looking back in his direction as they make their way up to the stage, and even Mingyu steals a couple of glances just to make sure he was okay. Chan and Seungcheol immediately shift their position, seating beside him. Jihoon only gives a nod of appreciation to his friends, because he’s still shaken up.

It’s been ten years, but the name still has the same effect on him.

_ Surprise, bitch. Joshua Hong is here. _

_ My goddamn luck. _

* * *

As the night goes on, Jihoon can’t shake the nagging feeling brought by the fact that he and Joshua are once again in the same room. The intense emotions he had for the man were repressed for ten years, and now they are working hard to resurface and mess with his head once more. It was always like that when it came to Joshua; Jihoon would destroy the walls he built just to let him in once more.

He’s fighting the urge to break those walls once more.

“I need some air,” Jihoon stands up, grabbing a pack of cigarettes from his bag. “I’ll be back.”

“Need me to come with you?” Seungcheol asks, already standing up.

Jihoon shakes his head. “I’ll be fine, I just need to unwind.”

He leaves the table, aware of the pairs of eyes that follow him out of the gymnasium. To be honest, Jihoon is thinking of heading home and calling it a night. There were mountains of paperwork and important things he still had to do. However, he doesn’t want to feel like he escaped and left just to avoid Joshua. It’s been ten years; he won’t allow himself to feel that weak once more.

Jihoon heads for the grounds, takes out one cigarette stick, and lights it up. He lets the nicotine consume his throat and lungs just this once. It’s been seven months since he last smoked, but he always brings a pack of cigarettes just in case of an emergency. As a producer who records his own demos, he still takes care of his voice as if he was the one performing. He only allows himself a stick or two whenever he gets stressed or ansty. Tonight was definitely one of those nights.

“You used to hate cigarettes.”

“Fuck!”

Jihoon jumps at the sound of the familiar voice.

It feels like he was caught red-handed trying to burn a building when he heard the voice he’s been longing for. Jihoon is scared of turning around, because he already knows who’s there.

_ Crap. _

“Jiji?”

The man calls for Jihoon using the pet name he coined for him back in high school. Jihoon takes a drag from the cigarette one more time, then puts it out. Fear, nervousness, and anger seep through him simultaneously, not sure which among them should take over. There’s been so much pain and hurt buried over the years, that Jihoon has no idea how to deal with all the repressed memories and feelings resurfacing.

One thing was sure: Jihoon still hasn’t forgiven him for the pain he caused him ten years ago.

“Don’t.”

Jihoon refuses to look at him, not wanting his defenses to crumble just because this...stranger...is coming back into his life as if nothing happened. As if he didn’t abandon him and their relationship. As if he didn’t change his mind without letting Jihoon know.

As if Jihoon actually mattered to him at one point.

“Jiji, please,” the shaky voice calls out. “Don’t be like that.”

This makes Jihoon finally snap.

“Wow, don’t be like what?” he turns to face the man who’s been calling out for him.

“Tell me,  _ Joshua _ ,” Jihoon’s voice drips with so much animosity, that it made Joshua flinch. “Don’t be like what?”

Jihoon regrets looking at him. The man has not aged at all. He still looks like how he was when they were in second year college.

Which was the last time Jihoon saw Joshua.

“Jihoon,” Joshua regains his composure, apparently not letting himself be fazed by the anger Jihoon is exhibiting. “I mean no harm.”

“I know, you said that before too,” Jihoon lets out a sarcastic laugh. “That’s the exact sentence you said when you found me scared out of my wits end in the haunted house back in high school.”

_ The haunted house Jihoon was referring to was the one set up oncampus during their school’s foundation day when he was in second year high school. Soonyoung kept pestering him and Seungcheol to join him in the haunted house, pulling Mingyu into the mess. Jihoon remembered not wanting to go in, but Soonyoung already paid for their ticket and couldn’t back out. _

_ “I fucking hate you, Soonyoung Kwon,” Jihoon said, as they lined up to enter the room. _

_ “Same here,” Seungcheol was already shaking in fear. “You owe me lunch for two weeks.” _

_ “Yeah, yeah, just get in!” Soonyoung pulled the two of them in, with Mingyu laughing behind them. _

_ Those were the scariest two minutes of Jihoon’s life. _

_ Seungcheol was already crying halfway through the course, while Soonyoung and Mingyu were both having fun. For some reason, Jihoon got lost, and scrambled to find his friends. He kept shouting their names, begging for them to come find him, but the “ghosts” were the only ones who heard his cries for help. _

_ Jihoon finally gave up and ended up sitting in a corner. He was planning to just wait for the seven minutes to pass so he can finally leave the room. He was already cursing his friends in his head for leaving him alone, especially his supposed best friend, Soonyoung Kwon. _

_ “Hey? Jihoon?” he heard a voice in the dark. _

_ “Fuck off!” Jihoon yelled, bringing his knees closer to his chest. _

_ “I mean no harm,” someone approached him, pulling him up. _

_ It took a full minute for it to register to Jihoon; the boy with him was his long-time crush, Joshua Hong. Embarrassed doesn’t even begin to cover how he felt during this entire scenario. If he could only hide his face forever and avoid him for the rest of the day, he would have. _

_ “No need to feel shy, Jihoon,” Joshua said, as he led him through the maze. “Your friends are looking for you, that’s why I came to find you.” _

_ “Still. God, that’s fucking humiliating,” Jihoon buried his head in his hands. _

_ “The goal was to scare you guys, and it worked,” Joshua flashed that dazzling smile that made everyone fall for him. Yes, including Jihoon. _

_ “Getting a kick out of our misery, eh?” _

_ “Not entirely though. It’s for a cause, so of course, the goal is to earn a lot,” Joshua said, as they neared the exit. _

_ Jihoon was immediately pulled to a hug by Seungcheol once he saw him. “I thought the ghosts got you!” he exclaimed. _

_ “Chill the fuck out, Cheol, we know the ghosts are fake,” Jihoon retorted, yet he also gave his big friend a warm hug. _

_ “Thanks, Josh,” Mingyu said to his friend, giving him a fist bump. “Sorry to trouble you.” _

_ “No trouble at all!” Joshua said in reply. “I’ll see you around, Jihoon?” _

_ Jihoon could only nod in response, still shook up by that goddamn horror house, and Joshua coming to his rescue. _

_ When Joshua walked away, Jihoon immediately punched Mingyu’s arm. “Did you purposefully send Joshua in to look for me?” _

_ “Of course!” Mingyu smiled, showing that toothy grin of his. “Everybody say ‘Thank you, Mingyu!’” _

“I blame that goddamn horror house every single day,” Jihoon whispers. “If I didn’t go in, I never would have met you.”

“I still thank God every day for that encounter,” Joshua smiles at him. “I still thank Him every day because I met you.”

“Well, that makes one of us,” Jihoon sits down on the concrete stairs, letting his legs stretch. Joshua soon follows suit, taking up the empty space beside him.

“Why are you here anyway?” Jihoon asks him. He picks up a stone from the concrete, throwing it as far as he can. It was something he used to do back in high school when they were killing time. “Shouldn’t you be somewhere across the world by now?”

“I came back from Africa a couple of weeks ago,” Joshua says, enthusiasm radiating all over his face. “Wonwoo told me about the reunion, and persuaded me to go, since he was bringing Jeonghan to meet the others. I wasn’t supposed to, but, well…”

Jihoon plays with his fingers; a habit he does when he gets nervous and a bit irritated. “Soonyoung also forced me to come. I was planning on staying in the studio.”

“Good thing he was able to get you out,” Joshua then takes a stone, and throws it as well.

Jihoon doesn’t say anything further, just throwing tiny pebbles into the wide space. He knows his friends might probably be looking for him by now, but by chance, if they see him with Joshua, none of them will interfere. They probably will just ask him about this encounter once the night is over.

“How have you been?” Joshua asks, sounding really interested. “Besides the whole music producer thing, what’s up with you?”

“Why do you want to know?” Jihoon can’t contain the anger seeping through him. “Why do you even care?”

“Because it’s you, Jihoon,” is what Joshua simply says in reply.

Dumbfounded and surprised, Jihoon takes a deep breath, trying to center himself once more. Here sits Joshua, acting like nothing ever happened. Joshua has always been Jihoon’s biggest weakness, he won’t deny it. Joshua brings no animosity towards him, which Jihoon weirdly appreciates yet takes in cautiously. The feelings are both foreign, yet familiar.

This is why he allows himself to tell the man what he’s been up to.

“Well, I continued my degree in Juilliard,” Jihoon starts to tell the story. “Initially, it was supposed to be just for a semester, but they liked me so much that they gave me a full ride. Since graduating, I’ve been absorbed by the company, and have been working there ever since.”

Back in their second year of college, Jihoon went to Juilliard for some short courses in music production. Initially, he was supposed to be just a foreign exchange student, but after his exemplary performance in the courses he took, they offered him a four year scholarship to study Bachelor of Music in Composition. It meant him finishing his studies in another country, chasing his dream.

“I told you you’d do well in New York,” Joshua smiles. “You always wanted to go to Juilliard ever since you were young.”

“I also remember telling you that even when we’re apart, I’ll try to keep our relationship alive,” Jihoon answers back. “But you went back on your word.”

Joshua’s face turns sullen, looking away from him. Jihoon still can’t forgive Joshua for that--for not even giving him a proper warning before leaving all of a sudden. It’s like Joshua made a decision without even considering Jihoon, while Jihoon already plotted his whole life with Joshua in the picture. It felt unfair reading everything Joshua had to say from a letter, without any personal explanation from the man himself.

“Was it that important?” Jihoon finally asks the question that’s been boggling his mind for ten years. “Was your calling that important that you never even tried to tell me upfront about it?”

Joshua said nothing.

For ten years, Jihoon wondered why Joshua didn’t tell him about his plans. He knew he would’ve understood should Joshua had said anything about it. It felt like he was blindsided--one day, everything’s fine, then the next, it’s not.

“Four years, Joshy,” Jihoon lets the waves of emotions hit him. They come crashing all at the same time, and Jihoon starts sobbing so hard. “We were together for four years. You knew me better than anyone else. You know you could have told me you wanted to do with your future, and still, I would’ve understood.Instead, you went ahead and made your choice without even considering what we’ve already laid down for us. All I got from you was a goddamn letter, and when I got the chance to read it, you were already long gone.”

Silence ensues between the two of them. The only sound that can be heard is Jihoon’s soft cries. No one moves an inch; both are unsure of what to do next. Jihoon keeps wiping his tears away, while Joshua just lets his fall silently. The can of worms is now open, and there’s no turning back from this conversation that should have transpired a decade ago.

“How did you let me go that easily? How could you choose to walk away from us that easily?”

Jihoon calms himself down, trying to steady his breathing. 

“It just angers me up to today that you didn’t even discuss your plans with me,” Jihoon breaks the silence. “I know we’d fight about it and shit, but Joshua, if you just said  _ something _ , things could have ended better for both of us.”

Joshua finally turns to face him, his face tear-stained from all the crying. Jihoon’s heart breaks at the sight of him being this vulnerable. Joshua never liked showing his emotional side to anyone, even to his best friend, Wonwoo. Jihoon takes in the sight of Joshua, because he knows this will probably be the last time he can ever get an opportunity like this again.

“I was scared,” Joshua finally starts to tell him his side of the story. “I became interested in theology while learning about it in one of my Philosophy classes. It led me to question a lot of things, and become more interested in my supposed faith. I delved into it, and the next thing I knew, I was truly immersed. One day, by God’s grace, I just woke up wanting to become a priest. I can’t exactly explain why I was called to the vocation, but I just...was.”

“Doesn’t explain why you’re scared,” Jihoon says, taking a drag from his newly-lit cigarette.

“I was scared because it meant giving you up.”

Jihoon stops midway, stunned by Joshua’s confession. He only stares at the man with wide eyes and an open mouth, unsure of where the conversation will go.

“I did love you very much, Jihoon, more than life itself. It’s fine if you don’t believe me,” Joshua confesses once more. “I didn’t want to lose whatever we had. All the plans, the future we crafted in our heads, the possibilities that were open for us in this lifetime, I wanted all of that and more. It killed me every day knowing that I would break all the promises we made, and that we would no longer achieve the life we wanted to have together. But I knew right there and then that this is where I'm supposed to be, even if it pained me every day knowing that I had to leave you.”

_ It’s so fucking unfair. _

If Joshua’s God is even listening, Jihoon hopes he knows how unfair this situation is. Jihoon wanted to understand, and even forgive him for leaving, but hearing how Joshua struggled with his decision to devote his life in serving his God, it made Jihoon even more angry. He doesn’t get why of all people, it was Joshua who was called to the priesthood. If Joshua became firm in his faith, he could have found a way to serve Him, even with Jihoon by his side.

But no.

Their paths were probably written a long time ago, and Jihoon can’t do anything about it now. He simply is forced to accept the reality that this is all that can happen for them, and this is all that should be. There’s no point in asking for more from someone who can’t give him more, no matter how much the other person wanted to.

“Does your God have an answer as to why we can’t be happy together? Why were we put on personal crossroads that we can’t meet halfway?” Jihoon weeps once again, letting the pain and anguish assume its position in his disposition.

“I’m called for a higher purpose, Jiji. As are you,” Joshua says, consoling him.

“That’s not fucking fair, and you know it.”

“But that’s the reality of life. We rarely get what we want, but we do get what we need,” Joshua replies, staring at the night sky.

“You do know that’s a song lyric, right?”

Joshua chuckles, pulling Jihoon closer to him. “Even if it’s a song lyric, it still holds true.”

“Do you regret it? Joining the priesthood?” Jihoon asks.

Joshua stays quiet for a while, possibly contemplating his answer. Jihoon takes the time to memorize his face once more. He will never get another chance to be with Joshua, and he senses that this may be the end they sought for both of them.

“I don’t, Jiji, I honestly don’t,” Joshua answers, still looking up at the sky. “This vocation changed my life for the better, and it allowed me to accept the love of the Lord more. It made me realize so many things about myself and the world, that I know this is where I belong.”

“Do you regret me?”

Joshua just stares at Jihoon, the younger man not knowing what was going on inside the older’s head. They stay like that for a couple of minutes, just forgetting about the world around them. Unlike before, this tranquility gives them the calm they needed ten years ago.

“I never, not once, ever regretted falling in love with you, Jihoon Lee. You were the closest to heaven on earth, and I will always thank you and treasure our memories together.”

Jihoon just smiles, and moves away from Joshua, finally trying to build the wall he broke moments ago. He diverts the topic by asking, “What’s it like being a priest, Father Joshua?”

To that, Joshua giggles a bit, which made Jihoon join in. The sound of their laughter fills the empty space, as well as the void they both had in their hearts.

“It’s amazing, Jihoon,” Joshua says, with a look of wonder and contentment plastered on his face. “There’s so much to learn and see. Just by preaching the Word of God, you can see people’s lives change. You can see them strive to be better versions of themselves through God’s teachings. I’m just immensely blessed to be an instrument of change for people.”

“Sounds like a lot of work,” Jihoon snickers.

“It really is, but it’s very fulfilling. I’m sure your dream job is, too.”

Joshua’s right, though. Even with his resentment towards the man, Jihoon will admit that he was able to chase his dream, and become successful. He realizes that their time apart led them to be where they are meant to be.

“So that was why you didn’t go on the exchange program with Columbia, eh?” Jihoon pokes fun at Joshua.

Joshua lets out a sigh. “Since we’re being honest already, it was.”

Jihoon laughs at the awkwardness. “You really can’t be in the same city as me without feeling guilty?”

“I never liked lying to you, you know that,” Joshua offers a small smile. “It would have made everything just utterly unbearable.”

Jihoon ruffles Joshua’s hair, chuckling quietly. “You're never really one to lie.”

They settle in the comfortable sound of the wind blowing across the empty lot, with the stars shining brightly up in the night sky. Peace was something that Jihoon has been craving for since the downfall of their relationship. Somehow, he was having the semblance of what he looked for all those years ago. Not fully complete, but it was there. It was possible. All he had to do now was to decide if it’s time.

“I know it’s too late for this,” Joshua turns to face him. “But can you ever forgive me for what happened ten years ago?”

This was the moment Jihoon has been waiting for. Before, he imagined Joshua grovelling at his feet, begging for the forgiveness only Jihoon could give him. He imagined countless ways of denying the sole thing he had over Joshua, and wanted him to live a life being constantly reminded of how he left Jihoon without hesitation. That was how vindictive he was; he wanted Joshua to feel the pain he endured when their relationship ended.

But now that things are clearer, Jihoon can only let out another batch of tears that have been welling up.

He wanted to deny him the forgiveness Joshua asked for, but he knows deep inside that the forgiveness was not his to deny. Somewhere along the way, they were just two people who discovered that they wanted different things. After hearing how hard it was for Joshua to let him go, that arriving to the decision of ending things was the most difficult thing he ever had to do, it made all the more reason for Jihoon to not withhold the one thing that could lead them to taking the first step to freedom from their own chains that bound them to the hurt and pain they held onto so tightly.

“Is this the part where I give you your absolution?” Jihoon says after a long period of silence.

Both of them burst into laughter and tears, allowing the chains to fall and break for all eternity. They were both ready to let go of all the things that held them back, and just savored the taste of the calm ambiance. They are done. They are ready to move forward.

“I think it’s a good thing we came, then,” Joshua stands up, and offers Jihoon his hand. “Even if we wanted to just hide away in our homes.”

Jihoon takes the hand one last time, allowing Joshua to pull him up. “I guess so.”

The two make their way back to the gymnasium, which was now blasting with music from their high school days. They hear the sound of Branches by Ben&Ben from the speakers, and everyone else is singing along to it.

_ Ready to go wherever the road will take my soul. _

Maybe, just maybe, this night is God’s way to put everything to rest. Maybe this night is their closure to the chapter that ended ten years ago. As much as Joshua is, was, and always will be, the best thing that ever happened to his life, it was time to let things go. This is as far as their parts in each other’s stories go.

“Thank you,” Joshua whispers before they enter the hall. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness after everything I put you through, but I am thankful.”

Jihoon just nods, not wanting to say anything more.

“May the Lord always bless your soul, Jiji,” Joshua places a sign of the cross on his forehead. “I know you’re a non-believer, but allow me to wish you well for the rest of your days, with the grace of God with you.”

He gives the priest a tight hug, savoring the feeling before they were to go on their separate ways once more. Joshua reciprocates the embrace, tightening it. Tears well up in both of their eyes, and they know that this is the last time that they will be shedding those tears for each other. Somehow, this farewell isn’t as painful as Jihoon imagined it to be. He thought of just taking his hatred and anger for Joshua until his deathbed. However, things turned out better than he expected.

Finally, they are free.

As they pull away from each other, both of them just squeeze each other’s hands before finally letting go.

“Will you be okay?” Joshua asks.

“Mhm,” Jihoon nods, flashing a warm smile. “I think for the first time in ten years, I will be.”

The door bursts open, with a surprised Soonyoung and Mingyu facing the both of them.

“I was looking for you!” Soonyoung screams at Jihoon. “Next time, you fucking send a message!”

“Chill the fuck out, Nyong,” Jihoon turns to his best friend. “I’m heading inside now.”

Mingyu and Joshua exchange curt nods, before Joshua heads back inside. Soonyoung inspects Jihoon as thoroughly as he can.

“Are you okay, Ji?” Soonyoung frantically asks.

Jihoon puts his hands on Soonyoung’s shoulders, urging his best friend to calm down. “Soonyoung, I’m okay. Finally, I know I will be okay.”

_ My heart is my own. I carry on. _

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know of your thoughts through [Twitter](https://twitter.com/justsparklesss).


End file.
